When someone talks about their depression, they’re not looking for a quick fix — they’re reaching out. And that’s not easy.
The truth is, most people mean well. But sometimes the things we say — without realising — can make someone feel even more alone.
Here are five common things people say, and why they can hurt more than help.
1. “Just try to be happy”
Depression isn’t a choice. It’s not about being in a bad mood or needing to think positive. When you say this, it can make the person feel like they’re failing at something they can’t control.
Try instead:
“I know it’s not that simple, but I’m here for you.”
2. “Other people have it worse”
Maybe true — but not helpful. Comparing pain doesn’t make someone’s experience any easier. It often makes people feel guilty for struggling at all.
Try instead:
“I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
3. “You don’t look depressed”
A lot of people with depression look “fine” on the outside. They laugh, they work, they smile — and they’re still hurting. Saying this might make them feel misunderstood or invisible.
Try instead:
“Thanks for telling me. I’m listening.”
4. “Snap out of it”
This one can be really damaging. Depression isn’t a mood you can switch off. It’s exhausting. Hearing this just adds pressure and shame.
Try instead:
“I can see you’re struggling. Let’s take it one day at a time.”
5. “You’ve got so much to be grateful for”
Gratitude doesn’t cancel out depression. People can be thankful and still feel low. Saying this might make someone feel like they’re broken for not being able to “see the good.”
Try instead:
“It’s okay to feel this way, even if things look okay from the outside.”
Being there matters
You don’t have to say the perfect thing. Just being there, listening, and showing up without judgement — that’s what makes a difference.
If someone opens up to you, it’s not because they expect you to fix it. It’s because they trust you enough to let you in.
Sometimes, that’s all we really need.
The truth is, most people mean well. But sometimes the things we say — without realising — can make someone feel even more alone.
Here are five common things people say, and why they can hurt more than help.
1. “Just try to be happy”
Depression isn’t a choice. It’s not about being in a bad mood or needing to think positive. When you say this, it can make the person feel like they’re failing at something they can’t control.
Try instead:
“I know it’s not that simple, but I’m here for you.”
2. “Other people have it worse”
Maybe true — but not helpful. Comparing pain doesn’t make someone’s experience any easier. It often makes people feel guilty for struggling at all.
Try instead:
“I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
3. “You don’t look depressed”
A lot of people with depression look “fine” on the outside. They laugh, they work, they smile — and they’re still hurting. Saying this might make them feel misunderstood or invisible.
Try instead:
“Thanks for telling me. I’m listening.”
4. “Snap out of it”
This one can be really damaging. Depression isn’t a mood you can switch off. It’s exhausting. Hearing this just adds pressure and shame.
Try instead:
“I can see you’re struggling. Let’s take it one day at a time.”
5. “You’ve got so much to be grateful for”
Gratitude doesn’t cancel out depression. People can be thankful and still feel low. Saying this might make someone feel like they’re broken for not being able to “see the good.”
Try instead:
“It’s okay to feel this way, even if things look okay from the outside.”
Being there matters
You don’t have to say the perfect thing. Just being there, listening, and showing up without judgement — that’s what makes a difference.
If someone opens up to you, it’s not because they expect you to fix it. It’s because they trust you enough to let you in.
Sometimes, that’s all we really need.
Last edited by a moderator:
