I've never been to a religious funeral before, and it seemed so much sadder than any cremation I have attended.
I don't know if it was because I was so much more attached to this person, but it isn't the first death in the family.
My late Grandma. She has been dead three weeks. I have coped with it absolutely fine until the funeral, then the floodgates opened.
It has had such a knock on effect with me. Every wrong decision I have made, every thing I could of done better, every mistake I've made has been unlocked by the grief. I have cried more in the last 48 hours since the funeral than I have in the last 10 years.
I spend 2 hours at the graveside yesterday, I just could not bring myself to leave - I suddenly found I had so much I wanted to say that I never got chance to tell her. It all came out. I don't feel better. I don't think I ever will.
What makes it worse, this was my mothers remaining parent. Normally (as I am a large child) I go to my mother during these times, but she is grieving and she doesn't need to deal with my grief too. I don't want to burden my wife, she is already the brain of the family, she doesn't need any additional luggage.
I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.
I don't know if it was because I was so much more attached to this person, but it isn't the first death in the family.
My late Grandma. She has been dead three weeks. I have coped with it absolutely fine until the funeral, then the floodgates opened.
It has had such a knock on effect with me. Every wrong decision I have made, every thing I could of done better, every mistake I've made has been unlocked by the grief. I have cried more in the last 48 hours since the funeral than I have in the last 10 years.
I spend 2 hours at the graveside yesterday, I just could not bring myself to leave - I suddenly found I had so much I wanted to say that I never got chance to tell her. It all came out. I don't feel better. I don't think I ever will.
What makes it worse, this was my mothers remaining parent. Normally (as I am a large child) I go to my mother during these times, but she is grieving and she doesn't need to deal with my grief too. I don't want to burden my wife, she is already the brain of the family, she doesn't need any additional luggage.
I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.