There’s no poetic way to say it. I didn’t think I’d still be here.
Not in some dramatic, movie-ending kind of way. Just… a quiet kind of fading. Days where brushing my teeth felt like trying to run through mud. Nights where the silence wasn’t peaceful — it was heavy. Thick. Like I was being smothered by nothing at all.
I didn’t really tell anyone. Maybe I didn’t know how. Or maybe I thought if I said it out loud, I’d sound weak. Or broken. But I wasn’t broken — I was just tired. Deep-tired. The kind of tired that doesn’t go away with a nap.
And then one day I was walking to the shop — genuinely just to buy milk — and this random little kid on a scooter smiled at me. Like really smiled. No reason. And for whatever reason, it stuck. That tiny moment. Like someone had cracked open the door to let a little light in.
It didn’t fix everything. It didn’t “save” me. But it was the first thing that reminded me maybe not everything had to feel so dark all the time.
Now? I still have bad days. I still mess up. I leave texts unread, I cancel plans, I vanish for a while. But I also laugh. I’ve got people who get it. I found a group of guys I can talk to without pretending to be “fine” all the time. I write. I walk. I sit with the shit days instead of trying to outrun them.
If you’re reading this and it feels too heavy right now — I get it. I really, really do. Just… don’t go. Not yet. Give it one more sunrise. One more stupid meme. One more trip to the shop. One more moment where someone might smile at you for no reason.
You don’t need to have a plan. You don’t even need hope yet. You just need to stay.
That’s enough for today.
Not in some dramatic, movie-ending kind of way. Just… a quiet kind of fading. Days where brushing my teeth felt like trying to run through mud. Nights where the silence wasn’t peaceful — it was heavy. Thick. Like I was being smothered by nothing at all.
I didn’t really tell anyone. Maybe I didn’t know how. Or maybe I thought if I said it out loud, I’d sound weak. Or broken. But I wasn’t broken — I was just tired. Deep-tired. The kind of tired that doesn’t go away with a nap.
And then one day I was walking to the shop — genuinely just to buy milk — and this random little kid on a scooter smiled at me. Like really smiled. No reason. And for whatever reason, it stuck. That tiny moment. Like someone had cracked open the door to let a little light in.
It didn’t fix everything. It didn’t “save” me. But it was the first thing that reminded me maybe not everything had to feel so dark all the time.
Now? I still have bad days. I still mess up. I leave texts unread, I cancel plans, I vanish for a while. But I also laugh. I’ve got people who get it. I found a group of guys I can talk to without pretending to be “fine” all the time. I write. I walk. I sit with the shit days instead of trying to outrun them.
If you’re reading this and it feels too heavy right now — I get it. I really, really do. Just… don’t go. Not yet. Give it one more sunrise. One more stupid meme. One more trip to the shop. One more moment where someone might smile at you for no reason.
You don’t need to have a plan. You don’t even need hope yet. You just need to stay.
That’s enough for today.
